BRIDESMAIDS--2011

Rated: R

Stars: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Chris O'Dowd, Melissa McCarthy

Director: Paul Feig

Genre: Comedy

For Hollywood these days, gross-out translates to gross receipts at the box office. And every gross-out comedy appears to be trying to outdo the previous one. Even if the story line is halfway believable, the rules of this one-upmanship dictate that certain scenes have to be played over the top silly, outrageous, or cringe-worthy--because it's a contest, you see. What's remarkable about the Judd Apatow produced Bridesmaids is that it's a chick flick, written by women, but pulling no punches when it comes to raunch and bodily excretions emerging at inopportune times. Men have always secretly known (or probably hoped) that women were just as gutter-mouthed and sex minded as we are. Now we have Bridesmaids as exhibit "A."

There's no denying that the movie is bust-a-gut funny. The opening grabs you right off the bat, (think Kama-Sutra) and it's a wild ride from there on out. But some of the scenes play like over the top sketches from Saturday Night Live, where two of the film's stars-- Kristen Wiig (also the co-writer) and Maya Rudolph--cut their chops. The trouble with that is that from a believability standpoint, these movies are like musicals, where people are talking and going about their mundane lives--when suddenly an unseen orchestra starts playing and the characters break into song in the middle of some smelly garbage dump. Then everything reverts back to normal and we're not supposed to notice that something implausible has just occurred. Beneath it all, though, there's a sweet little story about feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and the true nature of friendship.

Annie (Kristen Wiig) and Lillian (Maya Rudolph) are best friends from way back. Lillian announces that she's getting married and wants Annie to be her maid of honor. But subsequent events bring out the worst in Annie. She's in a superficial sex-buddy relationship with this superficial dude (Jon Hamm) who, as they're lying there in bed, says stuff like, "I want you to leave but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick."

So maybe, underneath her outward expression of joy for Lillian, Annie is jealous of what her friend has. That jealousy rears its head in a bigtime rivalry (and spoof on the stereotypical cattiness of women) with Helen, (Rose Bryne) the groom's wealthy sister who is financing the lavish wedding and all its preparations. Annie is incensed that Helen is trying to claim best friend status with Lillian, and each tries to one up the other in a scene where they are mouthing platitudes to the lucky couple into a microphone...on and on and on...because each of them wants to have the last word. This scene (unlike most of the movie, thankfully) leaves one cringing and feeling embarrassed for both of them.

Annie reveals herself as mentally unstable when she gets boozed up and goes berserk on a plane flight, and gets hauled in by the authorities after an unscheduled landing, in what is the funniest scene in the film. But the next shot shows her driving down the highway, apparently turned loose with just a slap on the wrist for behavior that, in the real world, would get anyone in BIG time trouble. Reminds me a little of Sandra Bullock's character in All About Steve, who is obsessed with this news reporter and stalks him all over the country...and in the end we're supposed to believe she's not a psychopath--just misunderstood.

I guess I'd be remiss if I didn't describe some of the gross-out stuff, so you can decide for yourself if Bridesmaids is for you: The entourage of gals who will be maids at the wedding get struck by some apparent food poisoning. While one of them hangs her head over the toilet, another hops butt first onto the sink to gain some relief. Another gal rushes in and barfs on the hair of the one who is stationed over the toilet. Lillian runs out of a shop, desperately trying to find an unoccupied rest room. She doesn't make it, and has to take a dump right in the middle of the street--in the expensive wedding gown she was trying on.

ALL THIS AND A MUSICAL CAMEO BY WILSON PHILLIPS TO BOOT!

Bridesmaids also disturbingly reminds a practical-minded guy like myself of how delusional people are--spending obscene amounts of money on an event which last for a few hours--as if they've accomplished something, when they haven't proven anything to the world yet about making it work over the long haul. Stay together for a couple years, THEN have a big celebration.

You've earned it.

GRADE : B (I'd be a traitor to my gender if I rated a chick flick any higher!)

BLUE VALENTINE--2010

Rated: R

Stars: Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling

Director: Derek Cianfrance

Genre: drama/romance

When Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams) first meet, they are a couple of rather likable young adults. Cute kids, as it were. She is playful, with a wicked sense of humor. He's the sensitive type, who has a soft spot in his heart for old people and children. What happens to them in Blue Valentine is an all too common tale (told in an uncommon manner) of relationships struggling to survive, in a world where the rules have changed since the days of 2.3 kids and a house with a white picket fence being the ideal. The film hops, skips, and jumps around in non-linear fashion, so we alternately see the hopeful beginnings of Dean and Cindy's relationship juxtaposed with what they have become today, which is akin to the last minutes of the Titanic treading water.

They have a young daughter who is Dean's pride and joy. And he's good with her. Perhaps he should use some of that charm on his wife, who, as each of them approaches middle-age, has gained weight and doesn't like sex anymore (at least not with him). When people tie the knot, they awaken to the stark reality of who the other person REALLY is...and things that they may have glossed over in their initial romantic haze begin to stick out like a sore bum. But give Dean credit for trying to rekindle the spark, when he sets up a "romantic" weekend at one of those cheesy love hotels. He tries to make it work with her in a steamy shower scene, which only serves to illustrate the depths of Cindy's sexual ennui.

The plot of Blue Valentine never points directly to the root cause of their marital discord, other than the old saw that familiarity breeds contempt. Dean is a high school dropout with a menial job. Cindy tells him that he has no ambition. Maybe because of this, he drinks and smokes too much. It's amazing how a sensitive man can seem just the opposite when he shows up at his wife's workplace, careening in a drunken daze and picking a fight with her boss. (A truly wild scene!)

Cindy was a tad promiscuous in her youth, and when she informs Dean that she's pregnant, he asks her if it's his. She doesn't know. She says probably not. He takes it in stride because he loves her. Years later. she runs into the truly unlikable guy who probably is the real dad, and she's uncomfortable talking with him. Is there something still there? Cindy's dad was a butthole, and they say girls grow up looking for their fathers, so maybe she's more attracted to the bad guys. Not an uncommon thing. Maybe you'll get a different impression. That's what's intriguing about Blue Valentine. It's open to interpretation.

Good, and often times raw performances from the two leads. Michelle Williams gives us a double whammy--she's a true talent AND she's willing to do about any kind of raunchy scene just short of hardcore in her movies. In the old days, it was just the up and coming actresses who would do that--trying to get noticed and make a name for themselves. But now, more and more established talents--like Marisa Tomei and Anne Hathaway--are willing to "give their all for their art." Whether it's for the sake of gritty realism--or, in Tomei's case--just to explore her exhibitionistic tendencies as she did in The Wrestler.

The growing number of celebrity sex tapes out there are laying (pardon the pun) the groundwork for established actors to someday do the real thing in a serious film. When that happens, the last vestiges of let's pretend will be stripped away, and films will be as real life as anything you can imagine. And we'll shrug our shoulders, because the envelope keeps getting pushed farther and farther in the name of the almighty dollar.

GRADE: B +

NEVER LET ME GO--2010

Rated: R

Stars: Carey Mulligan, Andrew Garfield, Keira Knightly, Charlotte Rampling

Director: Mark Romanek

Genre: Sci-fi/drama

Adapted from the novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go is a disturbing, yet poignant film set in an alternate world of the mid to late 20th century where, in human terms, the sum is worth less than its parts. The average life span has been extended to more than a hundred years, due largely to the existence of human clones who are born and bred for the specific purpose of donating their vital organs to others--sacrificing themselves for the greater good of humanity.

Ayn Rand would have a conniption.

The story line picks up at a British boarding school called Halisham. (Charlotte Rampling, who in younger days appeared naked in most of her films, shifts gears as the staid headmistress, Miss Emily.) The children there appear to be clueless about their purpose in life, until a compassionate teacher clues them in, and is subsequently fired for doing so. What I found most disturbing were the children's reactions. They do not protest. They do not run screaming for the gates. It's as if a child were told by his parents that he is being groomed to be a doctor when he grows up, and this is really what we want you to become, so under such pressure, the child accedes.

As young adults, The "donors"" are allowed to live their lives in something of a normal fashion-- until their first appointment comes due. The clones usually expire after the second or third donation because really, how many vital organs can a body get along without? This is referred to as "completion." (The euphemisms seem more relevant to present day political correctness, rather than to any bygone era.) We get the chilling sense that if the clones were to rebel against their fate, measures would be taken. But still...

The story follows three of the clones from childhood, through adolescence, and into young adulthood. There is Kathy, (Carey Mulligan) Tommy, (Andrew Garfield) and Ruth (Keira Knightly.) A romantic triangle among them shows that they are obviously human. They have emotions. They fall in love. Yet, some of the "normal" people around them speculate as to whether or not they have souls. The parallels with real life that Never Let Me Go invokes are cause for introspection. In the past, some of us humans have viewed those of certain other cultures that appear alien to us (indeed, we refer to them as aliens) due to race, customs, religious or political differences, as almost sub-human--giving us the green light to conquer, subjugate, and do with them what we will. The most infamous example of this in recent history was called The Holocaust.

And yet, the thought occurs that a possible future world could look eerily similar to the one in the movie.

The mood of this film, so achingly melancholy to begin with , is furthered along by the elegant, haunting soundtrack from Rachel Portman.

Never Let Me Go is a movie that will stay with me for a long time.

Fate is not fate unless you are willing to accept it.

Grade: A

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS--2011

Rated: PG-13

Stars: Robert Pattinson, Reese Witherspoon, Christopher Waltz, Hal Holbrook

Director: Francis Lawrence

Genre: Drama

The stage is set for high melodrama in the film adaptation of Sara Gruen's bestselling novel, Water For Elephants.

Told in flashback mode, a ninety-something guy named Jacob (Hal Holbrook) relates the story of his youthful exploits in the circus back in the Great Depression of the 1930s. The young Jacob (Robert Pattinson) is one exam away from graduating from veterinary school, when a family tragedy sets his life off-kilter and alters his destiny. He hooks up with a marginally run circus and learns to roll with the punches (literally) of life under the big top.

A little fudging of the truth gets him hired on as the outfit's veterinarian, by the (as we will see) amoral and sadistic ringmaster, August (Christopher Waltz). August treats his animals and his wife, Marlena, (Reese Witherspoon) with the same heavy hand. The Harlow-esque Marlena is steamy, and just low-brow enough to have been attracted to someone like August in the first place. But she has compassion for the animals, and a forbidden attraction between her and Jacob begins to develop.

Enter Rosie--a highly trained elephant who may be the most talented performer of this entire cast. August needs a new starring act to keep his near-failing operation going, and Rosie fills the bill in playful and adorable fashion. But August's methods of keeping Rosie in line are abusive, and hard to watch (even though we know the animal's not really being beaten for the movie--and I sat through all of the credits at the end just to see the statement that the animal action was monitored by the American Humane Association, and no animals were harmed during filming). What ensues is a roaringly dramatic climax to Water For Elephants that was easy to see coming, but that made it no less satisfying when it arrived. We can think of it as "poetic justice."

There is an amazing scene of chaos near the end where animals and people are stampeding every which way--an astonishing bit of choreography--and I'm still in awe of how they pulled it off!

Christopher Waltz (Inglourious Basterds) brings some depth to the character of August, to the point of where we can ALMOST dredge up some sympathy for the poor deranged bastard (spelled the correct way!)

Reese Witherspoon, who has that naturally wholesome looking face, shows us another side with her somewhat jaded, been-around-the-block Marlena.

The Most Wholesome award here goes to Pattinson, convincing enough as the fresh-faced good guy who tries to do the right thing in some emotionally charged situations.

While Water For Elephants is set in the thirties, I think you should know that circus animals are cruelly mistreated even today, and if you're a fan of the circus, I hope you will THINK about the price these wild animals pay--not the least of which is the loss of their freedom and dignity--just for the sake of providing circus entrepreneurs a living, and to give you a couple of hours of diversionary entertainment. If you think I'm exaggerating, I can direct you to plenty of web sites that contain actual photos and explanations of what goes on. I also encourage you to support some of the cruelty-free circuses, which feature human acts only--an increasing trend as awareness of the sad truth about animal-act circuses continues to grow.

Grade: A -

127 HOURS--2010

Rated: R

Stars: James Franco, Clemence Poesy, Kate Mara, Amber Tamblyn

Director: Danny Boyle

Genre: Drama/Biographical Adventure

The trouble with loners is that when they get into trouble, they are usually alone. That's what led to Aron Ralston's bizarre, real life struggle for survival out in the wilds of Utah's Bluejohn Canyon. Dude falls into a deep crevasse...this big-ass boulder tumbles down and pins his arm...can't get it loose...out of food and water after five days stuck like that...he is faced with a literal do or die decision. Everyone knows the story.

The challenge for director Danny Boyle was how to make a compelling, standard length (about an hour and a half) feature film out of this situation. Even before I saw 127 Hours, I knew that he would succeed because, hey--he's DANNY BOYLE! (Slumdog Millionaire, Trainspotting.)

Boyle uses flashbacks interspersed with the present-time mind f*ck Ralston's ordeal is putting him through--from the initial incredulity at his predicament, to the physical struggle to free himself, (whole) to going a little cuckoo and performing for an imaginary audience while his video camera records it as his possible farewell to the world, his family, and anyone who should stumble across his carcass. Meanwhile, we sit there wondering if WE would have the stones--or the stomach--to cut through the natural revulsion we would feel and do what he ultimately did in a last-ditch effort to save himself. The realization that everything that occurred previously in his life had been leading him to this one self-defining moment, was for me the most powerful element of 127 Hours.

The survival instinct must never be underestimated.

James Franco received an academy award nomination for his portrayal of Ralston--a gung-ho guy with too much confidence in himself for his own good--and he deserved it. DAMN-- this kid is a good actor !!!

Indian film composer A. R. Rahman, with two Academy Awards in his pocket from Slumdog Millionaire, again teams up with Danny Boyle--and it's as if Boyle told him: SURPRISE ME ! Given the subject matter, the surprises-- which include a song by Dido--hit with an OOH and an AHH, and brought a smile to my face at how compellingly apropos they were after all.

The gruesome part of 127 Hours is minimal, though you still might want to look away at certain moments, depending on how much of that jumbo size popcorn you've already gobbled. Be thoughtful of those around you and don't bring that up again.

GRADE: A-

THE LOVE BOAT--REVISITED

Hey, you starry-eyed... glassy-eyed...cross-eyed romantics ! The entire nine year run (1977-1986) of the smash-hit TV series The Love Boat is out on DVD, and I've just finished reliving season one!

Okay...you either love it, or you despise it, but take another look at the masthead of this blog and you'll notice that I'm an incurable romantic, so The Love Boat has always held a special place in my heart. Television's most affable cast of all time featured Gavin MacLeod as Captain Stubing; Bernie Kopell as Doc ; future congressman Fred Grandy as Gopher ; Ted Lange as Isaac the bartender; and a coked-up (by her own admission) Lauren Tewes as Julie the cruise director.

More than any other show, The Love Boat exemplified that old cliche that it's not the destination, but the journey, as each week they would set sail for some romantic locale, but the real action always occurred on board. When you find a formula that works--like Coke, (not the kind that Lauren Tewes was ingesting) you stick with it. Each episode featured three concurrent story lines--normally one that was serious, one that was cute/funny, and one romantic. The crew did no work to speak of, instead they hung out with and often got romantically involved with the passengers--which must be a serious no-no for cruise employees in the real world, but we're talking pure fantasy here.

The characters were stereotypical, and the acting was often wooden--but the dialogue was snappy and funny, and two or three big-name stars were on board for each episode, including the likes of: Milton Berle, Florence Henderson, (and her annoying screeching) Tom Hanks, Suzanne Somers, Telly Savalas, Ava Gabor, Phil Silvers, Jane Curtain, Leslie Nielsen, (in an uncharacteristic serious role) and even Anson Williams as a PRIEST--of all the ungodly things !

In the interest of full disclosure, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the fact that one of the things that endeared The Love Boat to me was that, at least during the early episodes, many of the women on the show were sans bras--as was the fashion during the seventies--adding a "titillating" aspect that you won't find on today's network TV shows ! (And refreshingly, NO IMPLANTS.)

What REALLY made The Love Boat was the buoyant theme song, written by the great Paul Williams, and sung by Jack Jones. Some instrumental variation of the theme underscores the action throughout each episode, and it's totally invigorating--propelling us incurable romantics into a dreamy vision of a world where all things are possible.

So relive the PASSION...relive the ROMANCE...relive the PECULIAR LOOKING HAIRSTYLES... and come aboard--we're expecting you !

LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS--2010

Rated : R

Stars: Anne Hathaway, Jake Gyllenhaal

Director: Edward Zwick

Genre: drama/comedy/romance

Okay, so the obvious selling point of Love and Other Drugs--based on Jamie Reidy's memoir: Hard Sell: The Evolution of a Viagra Salesman-- is Anne Hathaway in the altogether. Which is altogether not a bad reason to watch, even if you don't like anything else about the movie. But I think you will.

Jamie (Jake Gyllenhall) is a hotshot drug rep for Pfizer during the mid nineties. He accosts doctors in parking lots, or, with a mixture of sexual charm and bravado, cons his way past their receptionists to slip his anti-depressant samples onto the ol' docs shelves. It's all a game--played much in the manner of Washington lobbyists who wield their influence over our lawmakers--to get the MDs to prescribe his drugs over some other rep's drugs.

Jamie bribes one of the docs to take him on as an "intern," and subsequently gets to be in the room when Maggie, (Anne Hathaway) a young woman dealing with premature onset Parkinson's disease, takes her boob out for a quick inspection. You know right there that this is the beginning of a budding romance.

Jake and Maggie begin a sex only relationship, because she is the type who won't allow anyone to love her because she perceives complications down the line due to her medical condition. But all that sex (and Hathaway is as believably real in the bedroom as she is anyplace else) brings them to the brink of wanting something deeper, but not letting on that they want something deeper, because that might spoil the party. It's your classic boy-gets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-has-to-fight-to-get-girl-back tale. And even though Love and Other Drugs is a drama, there are some choice comic moments as well--especially when Jake gets the go ahead to promote Viagra, the new wonder drug that's "lifting the spirits" of men everywhere !

Love and Other Drugs is also an indictment of a system that uses MDs as the middle-men--glorified drug pushers if you will-- to turn us into a nation of addicts and reap enormous profits for the pharmaceutical companies. That's why every other commercial on TV now exhorts you to "ask your doctor" about the benefits of some prescription drug with a laundry list of side-effects (like death) that are way worse than the condition you'd be treating. (And every day the lawyers are on there drumming up business from clients whose lives have been devastated by Accutane, or some other dangerous product that never should have been approved in the first place.) But our nation of zombies--especially vulnerable seniors-- keeps on popping those pills by the handful. If that isn't shameful enough, look at what they've done--in collaboration with the school system--to our hyperactive kids.

End of rant.

There's plenty of sex and lots of drugs in Love and Other Drugs...the only thing missing for baby boomers is the rock n roll. Play the movie, then go put on the Stones...and you'll feel complete.

Grade: B +