THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE

Time traveler Henry De Tamble (Eric Bana) shows up naked hiding in the bushes (time travel hasn't been perfected to the point where your clothes make the trip with you) in a meadow where six year old Clare Abshire is playing. He coaxes her into tossing him a blanket to swaddle himself in and then explains the wackiness of his predicament. Then he suddenly disappears as the blanket droops to the ground. Clare, just like ANY girl would be, is immediately smitten by this tripped-out dude.

The next time they meet, it's as young adults in a library, where Clare (Rachel McAdams) recognizes HIM--but he doesn't remember HER because he's still YOUNGER than he was when he encountered her in the meadow. Got that? I hope so because it's indicative of the jumbled mess that is The Time Traveler's Wife--the screen adaptation of the best selling nonlinear novel by Audrey Niffenegger. Because films tend to simplify the intricacies of the novels they are derived from, you can trust me that the book (which I've read) is even more of a jumbled mess than the movie--though Niffenegger is an excellent writer, and the poignancy of the story is way more present in the novel than the film.

My theory of how Audrey Niffenegger wrote the book: First, she wrote the whole story out in linear fashion. Then, she wrote the name of each chapter out on a 3 x 5 card, tossed the cards into the air, arbitrarily reassembled them, and that was the order in which they appeared in the novel. It's a plot device to give you the impression that the story is more fascinating than it really is.

Henry tumbles through time uncontrollably, and every time he and Clare hook up they're each at a different age and different stage of their relationship--which involves courtship, marriage, and the birth of children. Along the way, Clare expresses frustration about being the significant other of someone who appears and disappears without warning for weeks at a time (kinda like being with an actor, which in real life each of them should be able to identify with).

The flaw of The Time Traveler's Wife is that Henry is able to travel even beyond the span of his own lifetime, which makes the events that occur--even the tragic ones--somewhat trivial because we sense that he may pop up at any time anywhere, essentially negating the effects of what happened before. Still, the flaws could have been mitigated had the film possessed a super uplifting sound track, or stunning cinematography...but for the most part, it doesn't.

In fact, most of the peak moments of The Time Traveler's Wife are contained in the trailer, which you've likely seen in the previews or on TV. Whoever put that trailer together is an editing genius, because it makes the movie seem like the romantic event of the decade, and will draw lots of chicks in to see it--especially when word gets around that there are numerous shots of Eric Bana's bare ass.

GRADE: C +

FUNNY PEOPLE

I freely admit to liking many of Adam Sandler's films. 50 First Dates and Reign Over Me are two of my favorites. Sandler also did Little Nicky, one of the most horrendously awful flicks I've ever seen. Just goes to show that nobody can be ON all the time. In Funny People, a Judd Apatow film about the behind the scenes lives of comedians, Sandler and his supporting cast are definitely ON.

Sandler is George Simmons, a famous comedian who gets a glimpse of his own mortality when he's diagnosed with a rare and likely fatal disease. Ira Wright (Seth Rogan) is an aspiring comic who lucks into the role of joke writer and all around lackey for Simmons. As George contemplates his own demise, his onstage routines become darker. He wants to sell off some of his possessions. He calls his ex-girlfriend, Laura, (Leslie Mann) whom he cheated on, and apologizes.

Ira is there to hold George's hand and humor him. Rogan is excellent as a basically nice guy who's so awestruck to be rubbing elbows with stardom that he'll debase himself in just about any manner, just to stay cozy with George. Ira is clueless about how to score with chicks--mouth agape at how easily the jaded George does it, and otherwise takes the perks and trappings of his stardom for granted.

When George's condition improves, as a result of the experimental treatments he's been receiving, he's at a loss for what to do with the rest of his life. Funny People enters a new phase when George and Laura appear to be getting back together--until her lothario husband, Clarke, (Eric Bana) shows up unexpectedly, and the fisticuffs are on.



Unlike The Ugly Truth, (which is fresh in my mind because I just reviewed it) the laughs in Funny People aren't set up or PLAYED just for laughs--all the events flow in a logical progression from what came before, giving this movie a real life feel to it that is rare these days. The profanity here is descriptive and relentless, but it doesn't FEEL as dirty as the gutter talk in The Ugly Truth, which is gratuitous and comes out of nowhere. Here, the trash talking is funny, a plausible extension of the characters' personalities.

And while Funny People lives up to its name throughout, the movie is too long (2 hours and 25 minutes) and bogs down near the end. But I can understand if Apatow, Sandler, and company felt they had too much good material--so many belly laughs--and couldn't bear to part with any of it.

Through all of its twists and turns, the one thread that runs through this film is that of male bonding, and how it can sometimes get lost in all the posturing and colorful language guys are compelled to bounce off each other...in order to mask their true affection for one another.

GRADE: A-

STAR TREK

I'll confess up front that I'm not a Trekkie. I followed the TV series in a casual way, but then I also watched Pee Wee Herman--and the only thing I know about him has to do with his taste in movies. So why did I see this film? Hell if I know.

There's about ten minutes total in this movie where somebody isn't getting bashed repeatedly in the face or worse. It's the same old eye-for-an-eye stuff that one would hope the HUMAN race, at least, (don't know about Vulcans or Romulans) would have grown beyond in the distant future of interplanetary space travel.

There's a young James T. Kirk (Chris Pine) who I didn't like that much because he's an arrogant little sh*t. There's a young Spock (Zachary Quinto) who I liked even less cuz he's just so anal. There's the villain, a Romulan named Nero, (Eric Bana) who's nasty looking and has tattoos. (Villains always have tattoos in these films...I think all the NICE people who have tattoos should mount a protest against such stereotyping.)

Nero has a long standing beef with the OLDER Spock, (there's time travelling involved here) and Leonard Nimoy gracing this picture in that role is the only thing that gives it an air of authenticity. The plot isn't that inventive, but it moves at warp speed, with everyone running around in full scale crisis mode most of the time.

Star Trek begins with a flashback, where James Kirk's father, George, has taken over a ship that's in--you guessed it--full scale crisis mode and about to go POOF. On board is George's wife, Winona, who's about to give birth to their son, James Tiberius Kirk. She escapes in the nick of time before the craft is destroyed by those damned Romulans.

Here's where I'm departing from the plot to do my rant. What the hell is a PREGNANT woman doing on board a spacecraft that's involved in dangerous missions? This is what chaps my ass about our real life space program. Remember the Challenger that went KA-PLOOEY in the mid 80s? Some of those astronauts had young children. Remember the Columbia that went KA-BLAM in 2003? Same thing.

If you're single, or have grown children, do whatever you want. But it is the height of IRRESPONSIBILITY for a parent with kids at home to choose, or continue to be involved in what is arguably the most DANGEROUS job in the world--knowing full well there's a real chance that their kids will grow up without a mother or a father. Astronauts are drunk on bravado and the romance of "boldly going where none have gone before." It's high time they take a sober look at what their priorities are in life.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the special effects in Star Trek are astounding, and really the only thing that kept me from nodding off.

GRADE: C

TIMMY'S TIDBITS: Chris Pine's nickname is "Pine Sol." Aptly named, since a lot of guys wiped the floor with him in Star Trek.