WIDOWS (2018)

Rated : R

STARS: Viola Davis, Colin Farrel, Elizabeth Debicki, Michelle Rodriguez, Liam Neeson, Cynthia Erivo, Robert Duvall
DIRECTOR: Steve McQueen
GENRE: Drama

Widows starts off with a bang, as four men fleeing from a cash heist they've pulled off get blown up in an explosive shootout with a swat team, and their wives are left behind holding the bag--trying to pick up the pieces of their lives. But there are too many pieces to this overly long puzzle and it seems like director Steve McQueen is trying to force them all together. It's not a good fit.

The widows, played by Viola Davis, Elizabeth Debicki, and Michelle Rodriguez, are being threatened by a local thug who is also a politician (now that IS a good fit) to come up with millions in ill-gotten loot that was stolen from him, or come to a bad end. The ladies (supposedly)  have no choice but to formulate a big heist plan of their own so they can pay him off and make a tidy profit for themselves in the process. 

There's a subplot about local Chicago politics that is supposed to make a statement about something, which might have made a decent film by itself, instead of being tacked onto a violent, mean-spirited, cynical, and totally unrealistic movie where there are no identifiable good guys that you can root for--suggesting that everyone is corrupt in some way, and that money and power are somehow worth risking your life over. But you go girls--no matter how crazy, misguided, or illegal your actions may be--because we live in the age of female empowerment! 

Ridiculous.

An impressive ensemble cast cannot pardon this Thanksgiving turkey.

Grade:  D
   
JILL'S TAKE

The only good thing about this 'turkey' is that I got to see it with Tim. (As most of you know, we now live in different states—me in California, Tim in Arizona.) I should have known something was fishy when right before the film started the director, with the same name as Steve McQueen only black, spoke on screen to the audience, saying how this particular movie has meant so much to him, how it had been his pet project for years, etc. (Was he begging me to like it before it even began?)

The opening sequence—fast edits between Liam Neeson and Viola Davis in bed trading steamy kisses, and Liam Neeson driving a getaway car; cut to other shady spouses kissing their wives goodbye and joining him—was enough to blow my mind. And not in a good way. I mumbled my confusion to Tim who was equally befuddled.

The only authentic moments came when one of my all time favorite actors, Robert Duvall, graced the screen with his fiery presence. He played a corrupt politician (what other kind is there?) who wanted his son—ably played by Colin Farrell—to follow in his smarmy footsteps. I had a helluva time trying to figure out what this secondary plot had to do with the first. And by the time I did, I didn't care.

This is the perfect film for people with ADHD. But if, like me, your a tad anally retentive avoid Widows at all costs.

Grade: D -

A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST (2014)

Rated : R

Stars: Seth Macfarlane,  Charlize Theron,  Neil Patrick Harris,  Amanda Seyfried,  Liam Neeson,  Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman

Director: Seth MacFarlane

Genre: Comedy/Western


If the image of Neil Patrick Harris developing sudden gastrointestinal problems, grabbing a stranger's hat and taking a dump in it right in the middle of the street doesn't tickle your funny bone, then you probably are not cut out for this rootin' tootin' tale of the west that comes from the  flipped-out imagination of Seth MacFarlane, creator of South Park, Family Guy, and the movie Ted.

It's like watching an episode of Family Guy in an old west setting with a potpourri (poopourri?) of similarly outlandish sight gags and politically incorrect stuff that wouldn't fly on TV, but it's all brilliantly done--and whether or not this type of effrontery to the let's pretend "sensitivity" of modern times is your cup of tea, you have to admire the creativity and the pure adolescent joy with which MacFarlane and company have gone about their business in A Million Ways To Die In The West. 

There is so much to like about this movie. From the opening theme, which evokes a Bonanza kind of nostalgia for the old westerns, to a really trippy mushroom induced CGI sequence, to the surprising sweetness of a boy-girl romance that's interwoven between all the gags. 

With a big name ensemble cast, who were all good sports to have signed onto such a project, undoubtedly knowing that A Million Ways To Die In The West was going to take a lot of hits from sourpuss reviewers.

Grade:  A 

JILL'S TAKE

(I guess Tim liked it.) And so did I. In a big way! It's this generation's answer to Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles. Of course, I've already encountered some negative flak from certain film buffs I know. But I say, "Suck it up and enjoy!" Okay. Maybe there's a bit of overkill with the bean-farting jokes and the pratfalls. But this is a film that I challenge anyone feeling in a bad mood to go and see. You won't feel in a bad mood afterwards, I guarantee it.

What is most endearing is Seth MacFarlane's character. He really nails guys' insecurities in a very original way. (Remember Ted and how real the relationship was between Mark Whalberg's character and his teddy bear?) This guy, whose name Albert is klutzy-sounding to begin with, can't do anything right. Which is a clever way to entice viewers' sympathy. In fact, nobody can do anything right in this film which is why it's so much fun.

Tim has already mentioned the musical score (by Joel McNeely). But I'd like to add that it sets the perfect tone for A Million Ways To Die... before the first undoing is undone.

You can tell that the actors really enjoyed themselves: Liam Neeson as Clinch, the fastest gun in the west; Giovanni Ribisi as Edward, a lovesick puppy, trying desperately not to consummate his relationship with the town whore until they are officially wed; big-eyed Amanda Seyfried as Louise, who dumps Farmer Albert in favor of mustachioed Neil Patrick Harris. The biggest compliment I can pay this film is that I definitely want to see it again. And again. And again...

Grade: A +

Now playing at home: CHLOE (Rated R)

Stars: Julianne Moore, Amanda Seyfried, Liam Neeson

Director: Atom Egoyan

Genre: Erotic Thriller

Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried hook up in a steamy lesbian scene in director Atom Egoyan's Chloe. Moore has played some lesbian/bi-sexual roles before--though I don't know that she's ever come out and said ""I'm bi-sexual." It doesn't make a hill of pinto beans to me--but what gets me is actresses who are doing all this graphic stuff with other women on film, and then try to tell you they are straight--and that it's just part of the story, and they are making "sacrifices for their art." Like Cameron Diaz, who said: "If I'm going to be with a woman sexually, it doesn't make me a lesbian." No, it doesn't, Cameron. But bare minimum, it makes you bi-sexual.

Hey, if I'm an actor and I do a bunch of movies where I play a guy who likes asparagus, in scenes that require me to chow down on oodles of it...I wouldn't have taken on those roles if I really DIDN'T like asparagus! I"d spit that stuff right back in yo face!

Be whatever you want to be, (and be all you CAN be) but just don't insult my intelligence about it, is all I'm sayin.

AND NOW...BACK TO OUR STORY!

Julianne Moore is Catherine, a gynecologist who suspects her professor husband, David, (Liam Neeson) of cheating on her. She runs into Chloe, (Amanda Seyfried) a beautiful young call-girl, in a public restroom, and later gets the idea to hire the tart to approach her hubby and see if he will take the bait. When the two women subsequently meet to compare notes, Catherine finds herself getting aroused by Chloe's lurid descriptions of the things she's been doing with the doc's husband. Is Catherine living vicariously through the young temptress, thinking about the things she and David used to do together, but don't seem to have the time or the inclination for anymore? Or is there more to it than that? Well, yes there is...as the women become intimate with each other.

When Catherine must ultimately end the affair, Chloe crosses over into Fatal Attraction territory, as the scarlet woman spurned begins to find ways to ingratiate herself into Catherine's family. There's a twist at the end that I saw coming rather early on, and that you may catch onto as well if you're paying attention during the opening scene of the movie, and putting two and two together from there. The character of David is really window dressing here, as Chloe is all about the repressed desires of two women from disparate backgrounds finding common ground through their sexuality.

Michael Danna's brooding soundtrack is psychological thriller appropriate.

Temptation often leads us into sticky situations, from which we must try to extract ourselves--as best we can--hoping we haven't triggered the kind of karma that will come back to bite us on the butt...but that is often just what it does.

GRADE: B

TAKEN

Liam Neeson, who's sort of an unassuming type in real life, stars as an ex-CIA badass who reluctantly allows his teenage daughter to go to Paris on a lark. She promptly gets abducted by some super sleazy Albanians who kidnap young girls and sell them into the sex-slave trade (and I thought most Albanians were sheep herders--what do I know?)
The daughter (Maggie Grace) is seventeen, but acts more like she's thirteen--just to get the point across to us that she's REALLY innocent.

Dad springs into action and becomes a one man wrecking crew, letting no one get in his way as he punches, kicks, karate chops, and shoots his way through a whole crapload of slimeballs in a feverish crusade to get his little darling back before her virtue is compromised.

It's all way over the top, almost to the point of being cartoonish--and the level of violence here should have earned this PG-13 film an R rating; however, our tolerance for that sort of thing is high. But take any genteel sort of flick, add a few images of the unclothed human body, and you've got an automatic R rating--which just goes to show how twisted our national sensitivities still are.

Having said all that, it's hard to resist rooting for "Super Dad," and this film is a non-stop adrenalin ride with lots of wild smash 'em up car chases, if that's your kind of thing. At the end of the movie I felt like a real badass myself, so I stuck my foot out and tripped an old guy who was shuffling toward the restroom with his walker.

GRADE: C +