STAR TREK

I'll confess up front that I'm not a Trekkie. I followed the TV series in a casual way, but then I also watched Pee Wee Herman--and the only thing I know about him has to do with his taste in movies. So why did I see this film? Hell if I know.

There's about ten minutes total in this movie where somebody isn't getting bashed repeatedly in the face or worse. It's the same old eye-for-an-eye stuff that one would hope the HUMAN race, at least, (don't know about Vulcans or Romulans) would have grown beyond in the distant future of interplanetary space travel.

There's a young James T. Kirk (Chris Pine) who I didn't like that much because he's an arrogant little sh*t. There's a young Spock (Zachary Quinto) who I liked even less cuz he's just so anal. There's the villain, a Romulan named Nero, (Eric Bana) who's nasty looking and has tattoos. (Villains always have tattoos in these films...I think all the NICE people who have tattoos should mount a protest against such stereotyping.)

Nero has a long standing beef with the OLDER Spock, (there's time travelling involved here) and Leonard Nimoy gracing this picture in that role is the only thing that gives it an air of authenticity. The plot isn't that inventive, but it moves at warp speed, with everyone running around in full scale crisis mode most of the time.

Star Trek begins with a flashback, where James Kirk's father, George, has taken over a ship that's in--you guessed it--full scale crisis mode and about to go POOF. On board is George's wife, Winona, who's about to give birth to their son, James Tiberius Kirk. She escapes in the nick of time before the craft is destroyed by those damned Romulans.

Here's where I'm departing from the plot to do my rant. What the hell is a PREGNANT woman doing on board a spacecraft that's involved in dangerous missions? This is what chaps my ass about our real life space program. Remember the Challenger that went KA-PLOOEY in the mid 80s? Some of those astronauts had young children. Remember the Columbia that went KA-BLAM in 2003? Same thing.

If you're single, or have grown children, do whatever you want. But it is the height of IRRESPONSIBILITY for a parent with kids at home to choose, or continue to be involved in what is arguably the most DANGEROUS job in the world--knowing full well there's a real chance that their kids will grow up without a mother or a father. Astronauts are drunk on bravado and the romance of "boldly going where none have gone before." It's high time they take a sober look at what their priorities are in life.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the special effects in Star Trek are astounding, and really the only thing that kept me from nodding off.

GRADE: C

TIMMY'S TIDBITS: Chris Pine's nickname is "Pine Sol." Aptly named, since a lot of guys wiped the floor with him in Star Trek.