Now showing at home: TETRO (R) 2009

Starring: Vincent Gallo, Alden Ehrenreich, Maribel Verdu, Klaus Maria Brandauer

Director: Francis Ford Coppola

Genre: Drama

Tetro is a grand spectacle of a movie, masquerading as a small film in the early going.

18 year old Bennie (Alden Ehrenreich) looks up his estranged brother, Tetro, (Vincent Gallo) in Buenos Aires. Tetro, a once promising writer who hasn't lived up to his potential, has distanced himself from the family--for reasons that ostensibly have to do with their famous composer-conductor father--who is something of an amoral sh*t--and a tragic accident involving Tetro's mother. Bennie gets a tepid reception from his brother, but a hospitable welcome from Tetro's common law wife, Miranda, (Maribel Verdu) who was once the older brother's psychotherapist. Tetro is a haunted soul--a loose cannon ready to explode at the drop of a hat--and he freely takes his frustrations out on others, especially Bennie. When Bennie discovers an unfinished play Tetro has written, and has no intention of finishing, he surreptitiously tacks on his own ending and submits the play to a prestigious local festival.

Tetro, a vaguely autobiographical work from director Francis Ford Copolla, (his dad WAS a famous composer) slowly builds the tension between the brothers as Bennie attempts to rescue Tetro--flailing and kicking all the way-- from pissing away any more of his unrealized life. Is blood thicker than urine? That's the question to be answered as Tetro takes some fascinating detours into the world of quirky amateur theatre along the way. (And there's just enough nudity to keep those of us who get disappointed without some baring of the body along with the soul, engrossed.)

There are echoes of Pedro Almodovar's Broken Embraces here, and not solely because of the unexpected climax you won't see coming.

Vincent Gallo is effective as the loose cannon. You just have to look at him--whether he's in character or not--and something shouts PERSONALITY DISORDER at you.

And while Alden Ehrenreich is a newcomer, there's this deja vu feeling that we've seen him before, as he evokes a younger Matt Damon.

A haunting accordion/guitar flavored score from Osvaldo Golijov that senses just the right moments to fall in on, perfectly complements the rich visual feast that is Tetro.

GRADE: A

SPLICE (R)

Stars: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chaneac

Director: Vincenzo Natali

Genre: Sci-fi thriller

A mad scientist with too much time on his hands will eventually get around to creating Frankenstein. That's the premise of Splice, an independent Canadian production from Cube (1997) director Vincenzo Natali.

In this instance we have a couple, Clive and Elsa, (Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) geneticists who don't seem to realize that they are mad--they just go about their gig of creating new animal life forms by splicing different genes together in service of the giant pharmaceutical company they work for--which, of course, only cares about making money off of their research.

Then one day Elsa decides WHAT THE HELL...let's mix a little human DNA in there, put it in the blender and see what comes out! What comes out is this blob that immediately starts bouncing off the walls and knocking crap over in the laboratory. Clive's impulse is to destroy it--but it's got an oversize chipmunk kind of head and Elsa thinks it's cute. (It's also female, and gals gotta stick together, right?)

Their "experiment," which Elsa has named Dren, ages more rapidly than normal. Dren (Delphine Chaneac) soon begins looking kind of pretty--sort of like a teenage Sinead O'Connor with kangaroo-ish legs and a tail. She also has the ability to sprout wings. Throughout, Clive and Elsa struggle with the moral implications of allowing Dren to survive--because, for one thing, they have to keep her under wraps. And when she gets cranky, it's not a pretty sight. A woman with raging hormones is one thing, but a woman with raging hormones and a stinger tail that can zap you and do you in is something else altogether!

I found Splice to be an uncomfortable, yet morbidly fascinating film to watch. A movie that keeps upping the ante in its bizarreness. To illustrate--and I don't think I'm giving too much of the plot away here because it's out of context--both Clive and Elsa will have sex with Dren (one consensual, one non-consensual) before Splice proceeds to its ominous-implications-for-the-world conclusion.

As for the performances, you've got two reputable actors in Brody and Polley, but they both seem to be taking the whole thing a bit too much in stride--not nearly as freaked out as you might expect people to be in Clive and Elsa's situation. Or maybe it's just because they're jaded scientists who've been playing God for too long.

You can make of Splice what you will, but for me it's ultimately about the amorality of the scientific community--which is filled with sociopaths when it comes to those who experiment on living creatures--believing that the end always justifies the means, no matter what lengths it drives them to.

GRADE: B-

SEX AND THE CITY 2 (R)

Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth

Director: Michael Patrick King

There are movies, and then there are your highly anticipated movies, like Sex And The City 2.

Highly anticipated, at least, among that segment of the population that regards shoe shopping as a religious experience. And there I was, knowing full well that I was marching straight into the den of CHICK FLICK-DOM, but willing to make that sacrifice just to bring you this review!

And it weren't an unpleasant ride at all.

New Yorkers Carrie, (Sarah Jessica Parker) Samantha, (Kim Cattrall) Charlotte, (Kristin Davis) and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) are back to demonstrate that friendship lasts through thick and thin, ( mostly thick for them) one for all and all for one--I am woman hear me roar! They're all married now, except for Samantha, who always was and always will be the skanky (but well-dressed) sexual spark plug that drives the action forward.

Through her "connections," Samantha wangles an all expense paid trip to Abu Dhabi for the four of them. This comes just in time for Carrie, who's afraid her marriage with Mister Big (Chris Noth) may be losing its "sparkle," and she could use some time to ruminate on it--and for Charlotte, who's about to go off the deep end under the stress and strain of motherhood.

Upon arrival, it's the four liberated material girls from America in a culture clash with repressive middle-eastern mores. True to form, Samantha flaunts her sexuality, as if she can't be bothered to remember she's in a region where public displays of affection are a big no-no, and gets busted for getting too amorous with a dude on the beach. All this "cramping her style" leads to Samantha eventually throwing it back in their faces with an irreverent, wickedly hilarious display of public vulgarity and impudence not witnessed since Marlon Brando dropped his pants in the dance hall scene near the end of Last Tango In Paris.

Subplots involve Carrie running into an old flame in an Abu Dhabi marketplace--tempting fate and her loyalty to Mr. Big--and Charlotte obsessing over hubby being left alone with the kids and their big-busted nanny. Miranda seems pretty much along for the ride in this one--unfortunate, because the only thing I seem to remember from the first film was her torrid lovemaking scene and how (surprisingly) hot her body still was!

GUY ALERT! GUY ALERT! Maybe it's due to the limitations of a plot where everybody but Samantha is in a relationship, so they're not going to be fooling around much--or maybe it's because in real life our four gals are just slightly past their "sell by" dates, (to varying degrees) and shedding their duds might be less titillating than embarrassing, but Sex And The City 2 is surprisingly stingy in the skin department. Even Samantha's obligatory bedroom romps are uncharacteristically unrevealing. There is, however, a nice wet T-shirt shot of the aforementioned nanny to lift your spirits some. Not as disappointing for the girls, though, with a bevy of hunky shirtless dudes, a bare bottom, etc. (I never seem to notice how gratuitous the nudity in most movies is when it's the ladies who are flaunting it!)

A lavish gay wedding at the beginning of the film--replete with Liza Minelli presiding (who now looks like a Saturday Night Live caricature of herself--or maybe her mother) was romantic, musically captivating, and just quirky enough to hook me in for the duration.

So all in all, I found Sex And The City 2 to be kind of a hoot.

GRADE : B

Now playing at home: PEACOCK (PG-13)

Starring: Cillian Murphy, Ellen Page, Susan Sarandon, Bill Pullman

Director: Michael Lander

Peacock is a straight to DVD release (April 20, 2010) that, remarkably, features some big names in the cast. Irish actor Cillian Murphy shines in the dual role of John and Emma Skillpa--a cross-dressing split personality whose masculine side works as a bank clerk, while his wig clad feminine alter-ego takes on the persona of John's homebody wife. All seems to be going smoothly until a train caboose ends up in John's backyard and threatens to derail his neat little double life when the townspeople of Peacock, Nebraska discover Emma and start to get curious.

Maggie, (Ellen Page) a young single mother on the skids, figures mysteriously into John's past, and holds the key to his weirdness. Like any good psychological drama, the clues are dispersed in increments as the film goes along.

Set in the 1950s, Peacock is a character study tour-de-force, with Murphy alternating between the painfully shy bank clerk persona of John, and the more complex Emma, who is plotting against him to have things ultimately go her way. (And he's awfully pretty as a woman!) It's a Norman Bates-esque performance--and true to form--Emma's increasingly diabolical mindset will lead to some skulduggery before it's all said and done. (As one who grew up in the midwest, the image of a bank standing next to some big grain silos strikes a familiar and an authentic chord. )

Cillian Murphy is so much the standout in this film that it makes you wonder why someone like Susan Sarandon--who plays Fanny Crill, the town mayor's wife--was willing to take on a secondary role that doesn't challenge her in the least. The same with Bill Pullman, who plays John's pain-in-the-ass supervisor at the bank. Ellen Page, as Maggie, is the only other character that is fleshed-out to any degree.

I must put in a word for cross-dressers here, who by and large seem to be a harmless lot--but movies like Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, and Peacock, may have given them a bum rap.

RIGHT, DAD?

There aren't any trick endings here--we can pretty much see what's coming as a logical progression of the power struggle between two personalities inhabiting the same body--but I found Peacock growing on me, haunting me if you will, in the days immediately after I saw it...reflecting on the old adage that the child is father to the man.

GRADE: B

DATE NIGHT (PG-13)

Stars: Steve Carrell, Tina Fey, Mark Wahlberg

Director: Shawn Levy

Created as a vehicle for two of our superstars of comedy, Date Night is a fairly enjoyable romp through familiar cinematic territory: The shady doings of politicians, unscrupulous police officers, and some hapless folks who inadvertently find themselves caught up in the shenanigans that ensue--somehow calling upon that inner wellspring of bravery and resourcefulness they didn't know they possessed until their lives were on the line, turning the situation to their advantage in the end.

Steve Carrell and Tina Fey are fun to watch as Phil and Claire Foster, an upscale New Jersey couple who try their best to keep their relationship from falling into that abyss of tedium and boring routine--out on a date to a pretentious, overpriced restaurant where they can't get seated, so they pose as the Tripplehorns, a couple who didn't show up to claim their reservation. This fairly innocent fudging of the truth--the kind of thing I suspect we've all done at one time or another--sets in motion a chain reaction of events that will have our couple dodging the bad guys (who've mistaken them for the real Tripplehorns--a shady couple who have some embarrassing and incriminating stuff on a flash drive that could bring down the local District Attorney were it made public) for the rest of the movie.

Good cops, bad cops, a crime boss who has bought off a bunch of them, (played by Ray Liotta, of course) and the ever shirtless Mark Wahlberg as a security expert the Fosters enlist as their ally, add to the harrowing fun of Date Night.

There's more potty-mouth in Date Night (most of it in hilarious context) than what you'd expect from a PG-13 rating, which is weird because many of the R-rated flicks I've seen lately have been rather tame in that respect, (as well as with the T&A) whereas several of the PG-13s have been unexpectedly raunchy. To which, conspiracy theorists, I'm attributing to an eventual melding of the two categories into something that would be called "RPG," or "PGR," or perhaps more accurately: B-I-T-S-- for BUTTS IN THE SEATS--which is the name of the game in Hollywood.

GRADE: B

TIMOTEO SEZ...

Courtesy thetazzone.org

In light of Sandra Bullock's recent marital problems, I thought of some movies she might want to REMAKE:

THE BREAK UP

THE DEPARTED

WALK THE LINE

GET SMART

BODY OF LIES

SEX, LIES, AND VIDEOTAPE

THE DIVORCEE

DUMBO

UNFORGIVEN

THE GOODBYE GIRL

GONE WITH THE WIND

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE (R)

Stars: John Cusack, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, Crispin Glover, Chevy Chase

Director: Steve Pink

Three 40-something friends and a nephew go on a lark to a ski resort that once figured meaningfully in the older men's lives--hop into a hot tub that's really some kind of energy vortex, and are magically transported back to 1986. There they will have to deal with the same screwballs and try to faithfully relive everything that happened to them back in the day, if they are to have any chance of making it back to 2010 as their unscathed older selves.

Adam (John Cusack) is dealing with the aftermath of his girlfriend moving out on him (and ripping off the TV too) . Lou (Rob Corddry) is an obnoxious drunk who may or may not have tried to commit suicide. Nick (Craig Robinson) is a failed musician who suspects his wife of cheating on him. And Jacob, (Clark Duke) Adam's nephew, is a nerdy video game addict.

None of their lives is spectacular, so it makes you wonder why they even want everything to come out the same and return to the present (except for a lot of the stuff they have to relive back here is pretty disgusting!) Why not roll the dice and see what happens? Instead, they attempt to follow through on the advice of the mysterious hot tub repairman, (Chevy Chase) who advises them that nothing from the past must be changed. The laughs in Hot Tub Time Machine stem from the screw-ups that occur as the four hapless dudes attempt to stick to the script. And what's on the agenda is wild women, boobs, casual sex, getting drunk, vomiting, and other fun stuff like that.

Adam must break up with his foxy eighties girlfriend, but the feelings he has for her are making it tough. (And for all his trouble, he gets stabbed just above the eye with a fork. Ha ha ho ho hoo hoo hee hee!) Lou must encounter a bully who messes up his face on multiple occasions--and allowing that to happen again is humiliating, not to mention painful. Nick is still dealing with the hurt caused by his unfaithful wife, plus the regret of having given up his music career. But here he has a chance to get his groove back. Twenty-something Jacob unexpectantly gets tapped to try to keep the others in line when the craziness gets out of hand--when he's not dealing with situations like meeting his party girl mom nine months before he is born and nervously admonishing her to lay off the drugs. A running gag involves Crispin Glover as a one armed bellboy, providing some further gross-out humor.

You may get the impression from all this that Hot Tub Time Machine has nothing serious to say.

But philosophical questions do arise, such as when you see someone in physical danger, and you know what's going to happen, do you stand idly by and allow it to occur for fear of changing a "predestined" reality? And what are the moral implications when one of our time travelers decides he doesn't want to go back, creating major repercussions for the future?

The question with Hot Tub Time Machine, I suppose, is how well do you handle verbal, sexual, bodily fluids and excretions gross-out that equals the level of that in Bruno? If you do that kind of GRODY TO THE MAX stuff without cringing, then you should be good to go. Some "totally tubular" eighties tunes are on the sound track--and that's something, at least, that Bruno didn't have.

GRADE: B